


The Sandwich Analogy

by epiclifeinruins



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Crack, Gen, Kylux - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-23
Updated: 2016-03-23
Packaged: 2018-05-28 14:34:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6332899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/epiclifeinruins/pseuds/epiclifeinruins
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which a shitfaced Ben Solo shares his musings on friendship with Hux and Phasma.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Sandwich Analogy

**Author's Note:**

> This ridiculous crack came into being because of a conversation I had with two of my best friends last night.  
> It was about friendship, how important it is, and how wonderful it is to have loving people in your life - using a very unusual analogy, that is.  
> And I should say that some of the lines in this fic are actual IRL conversation. This can be seen either as rather amusing or a little bit distrubing. 
> 
> Sarah and Maru: this is for you guys, with all my love. Thanks for bringing me so much joy. <3

"You know what?" 

Ben Solo slurred slightly as he leaned forward across the table to grab a fistful of peanuts from one of the snack bowls. He was on his seventh beer and had reached the level of intoxication that always brought forth his very loving side. Ben smiled at his two friends, sitting on either side of him as he shoved peanuts into his mouth.

"I wouldn't really know what to do if I didn't have you guys. My life wouldn't be the same at all!" he said, small pieces of chewed peanuts shooting out from his mouth as he spoke. 

"That's really sweet of you to say, Ben." Phasma said, giving his lower arm an affectionate pat as she tried avoiding getting showered with peanuts. "Isn't it, Hux?" she continued, giving the tall, slim redhead sitting opposite her an amused look.  
Hux gave the still munching Ben a disgusted glare and took a sip of his wine. He wasn't at all keen on fuelling the outbursts of the drunken and overly affectionate Ben, but he decided to humour Phasma this time. 

"Yes. Very sweet indeed, Ben." he said, moving the bowl of peanuts out of the way as Ben decided to place his head on the table top, his dark hair spreading out across it as he did so. 

"I totally know what we are," Ben said, turning his head to look at Hux. "We...are a sandwich."

Phasma let out a snort and almost sprayed her two friends with beer as she did so. 

"That's it!" Hux snapped, leaning forward across the table and pulling Ben's beer bottle from his hand. "I am cutting you off, right now!"  
Ben gave up his beer without a fight and sighed. "As long as you don't cut me off from your friendship, I'm gonna be just fine."

"Our undying friendship is yours forever." Hux said dryly, rolling his eyes as he handed the bottle of beer to the grinning Phasma.  
"It feels so good to hear you say that, Hux!" Ben grabbed Hux's hand, which looked almost dainty in the palm of his own, and squeezed it lovingly. "Because you two are like the slices of bread that makes the sandwich a sandwich. Without you guys, I would just be a boring piece of ham or a lonely pickle."

"Oh my God." Phasma was now shaking with restrained laughter, tears beginning to form in the corners of her bright blue eyes. 

"Are you quite well?" Hux asked listlessly and pulling his hand free from Ben's grip to pour himself some more wine. 

"Never been better, man!" Ben smiled widely as he sat up straight in his chair again. "And that's all thanks to you! My two wonderful slices of bread, so warm and soft, embracing me, the humble sandwich filling, making me feel safe and giving me a sense of purpose in life."

"This is amazing! You've really thought this through, Ben!" Phasma chortled, wiping the tears from her eyes.

"Thank you, Phasma!" Ben said, sitting up straighter in his chair with a pleased look on his face, flattered by Phasma's praise. "It is possibly the best thing that I've ever come up with in my entire life."

"Well, it is uplifting to hear that you aim for the stars in every aspect." Hux said sarcastically, resting his chin in his hand while he moved his wine glass in circles on the table with two of his long fingers.

"You know I always do." Ben said appreciatively, completely oblivious of the sass Hux had just brought.  
"And let me tell you something else," Ben continued. "You're not just any kind of cheap, boring bread that one buys in the supermarket. Oh, no! You guys are made of some high quality dough, man. We're talking sourdough here!" Ben raised one finger solemnly before he continued.  
"Sourdough that's been fermenting in a perfect temperature for like two weeks, then kneaded by loving hands, and baked in one of those proper stone ovens, sliced respectfully and then served on fine china plates."  
Ben let out a blissful sigh and grabbed Phasma's and Hux's arms and pulled them both towards his broad chest. 

"This is without question the most absurd conversation that I have ever had." Hux said as he tried to squirm free as one of Ben's huge hands messed up his perfectly styled red hair when he rubbed Hux's head against his chest. Phasma was now laughing so hard that she actually had trouble breathing and she wrapped her arms around Ben's waist to keep herself from falling off her chair. 

"You're the kind of bread that they give to people who win the Nobel Prize!" Ben exclaimed joyfully as he hugged his two friends even tighter with his strong arms. 

"They don't give bread to Nobel Prize winners." Hux stated grumpily, his voice a bit muffled as his cheek was now pressed against Ben's right pectoral muscle. 

"Well, they should!" Ben said insistently. "Because bread is awesome! You guys are awesome!" 

Hux had finally managed to wriggle out of Ben's arms and he swiftly got to his feet and helped free Phasma as well, her short blonde hair now ruffled from being pressed against Ben's chest. She was still laughing, but was beginning to regain control over her breathing again. As she stood up, she grabbed Ben's arm in an effort to get him on his feet. 

"I think it's about bedtime for you, Lonely Pickle." she giggled as she helped him stand up. 

"That is an excellent suggestion, Phasma." Hux said as he took hold of Ben's other arm to help support his weight. "We'll put him in the guest bedroom," Hux continued, as his green eyes met hers. "I expected this to happen so I made the bed this morning before I left for work." 

They succeeded in leading the very unstable Ben into the bedroom and with combined effort they managed to get him into bed. As Phasma tucked him in, Ben let out a sigh of contentment and gave his two friends a warm look.

"I love you guys." he murmured happily as he nuzzled into the pillow. 

"We love you too, Benny." Phasma said softly, her voice filled with tenderness. 

Ben grunted as he drifted off to sleep, Phasma and Hux quietly leaving the room, closing the door behind them.

"He is the most adorable dork I've ever met." Phasma said lovingly as she returned to her place at Hux's kitchen table. 

"Well, he certainly doesn't have any trouble expressing his emotions." Hux remarked wearily as he filled the kettle with water. 

"Cup of tea?" he asked Phasma.

"Yes, please!" she said, suppressing a yawn. "Can I crash on your couch tonight?" 

"Certainly." Hux said, putting tea bags in a couple of mugs. "I have a strong suspicion that Ben might be needing a few of those delicious pancakes of yours to fight what I fear is going to be the hangover of the decade."  
"I won't argue with that." Phasma said, grinning at him.  
"And I wouldn't dream of denying Ben my pancakes. Especially since he'll be in a rather delicate state when he wakes up tomorrow, poor thing." she continued as she took one of the mugs of freshly brewed tea from Hux's hands before he too sat down at the table. "After all, it is the bread that keeps it all together, wouldn't you say that, Hux?"

Hux buried his face in his hands and groaned as Phasma once again burst out into soundless laughter.


End file.
